I was writing this as a reply to the comments to yesterday’s post, but I’ve gotten several more responses in email and elsewhere, so I figure my position may need more clarity, so I’ll reply to all here….
This topic always seems to make people angry, or nervous. I’ve seen entire online communities become embroiled in fear after some punk simply has a good day on Google and calls them on the phone. Creepy as that might be, the problem is not that the guy found your real name and number, it’s that the guy is a creep and needs to learn what boundaries are. That’s why we have sysadmins, restraining orders, muscle-bound friends and police.
As I said, Folks, I’m not criticizing anyone’s attempt to stay anonymous. I’m simply trying to encourage people not to put all their hopes on a pony that may run off when they need it most. Whether or not you use a pseudonym, be just as careful about what you share as you would be using your real name. In my case, at some point, it just didn’t matter anymore; if I was being so careful to behave just as I would under my real identity, then why waste the effort to try to preserve my secret identity?
Besides, it is essential to me to be able to speak as Truthfully as possible every time I post. I need my Word to be trustworthy. And only a fool listens to a man in disguise. Whether or not you have a good reason for a disguise, it’s still a disguise and it’s impossible for you to give your Word when you aren’t yourself.
I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to make some marginal people angry in my day. I’ve had to choose whether to give up my freedom to speak as myself or to use the tools at my disposal to manage their expectations. I have 20 phone numbers in my null-ring Ignore list. I never even hear the phone ring. I have countless addresses set to drop straight into the spam file - and I’ve learned not to make someone else’s issues my problem. Most of all, my words have just as much weight online as they would if you were standing in front of me - since you so easily could be.
After saying all this, I have to give full disclosure: I do have one false identity online. I have a very pretty female avatar in Second Life who was created in a fit of experimentation during the beta phase. (Ironically, she has managed to get a fairly weighty quote in a serious book about Second Life.) But even she will tell you who she really is - if you ask.
So, again, I am not saying you shouldn’t use a pseudonym. And I am certainly not saying you should strew personal details carelessly about, or trust in the kindness of strangers. I’m simply suggesting that there is a lot to be said for the simplicity and truthfulness of non-anonymity. And, most important: it’s unwise to put all your trust in your safety net.
Tags: anonymity
