It has always made me cross when people come to work sick. Not so much because I seem to catch every cold that’s offered to me - though I do - but it’s just a selfish thing to do.

Sure, I can understand not wanting to spend a hard-earned Vacation Day sitting at home with a nasty cold, when you could save it for a time when the sun is bright and the birds are singing. But it usually results in me having to waste my precious PTO being sick, and holidays at my desk instead of with my family. How fair is that?

But, most of all, it aggravates my Aspie sense of Right and Wrong. Everybody knows you don’t go to work and infect your workmates! Right?

Of course they do. So, why do I hear a wave of hacking coughs and sneezes echoing across the call center? And why do I get so many blank looks when I complain? And why does it seem so “Ok” with the vanishing pool of uninfected co-workers? Well, I finally figured it out after all these decades: they don’t really mean it!

Everyone says it’s bad to share contagion. But it isn’t sincere. It’s much more important that you are where they expect you to be: at work. And I always suspected that. But that isn’t my revelation. That’s rather typical for folks that spend so little time thinking things through. Here’s my real discovery:

Sharing an illness is a form of social interaction!

Sharing a cold is one more way that people reaffirm their identity as a tribe. They come to work expecting an increased degree of social inclusion, and they get it. The group spends large amounts of tine discussing who had it first, how bad is it going to be, how long should it go on, and did it get to your lungs like it did mine. It isn’t frowned upon as a danger to the herd, it’s regarded as a thing to be shared and treasured like a gift to the group identity.

And, if you really want to be the center of all this love, be the guy who has a stash of extra strong cough drops. Or the go-to person for aspirin. Or mint tea.

I went to work sick this last week. Just because i was feeling vindictive. Hacking and wheezing and sneezing like gangbusters. Guess what. Tomorrow I  move to a seat right in the heart of the room. Invited there! Lots of people looking forward to me being there! No more sitting at the periphery, all alone, no one to talk to. I’ve had lovely conversations about sinuses and choking in the night, and now I’m part of the Group. For now. And I saved a week of Vacation Days!

I’m thinking of catching this new strain of vaccine-resistant mumps that’s going around. That should get me promoted!

Jeff

Edit - 23 May 2010 21:52: It just occurred to me that some folks might need to be told that I’m not really intending to catch the mumps. In fact, the unlikeliness of me doing that was meant to underscore how strange I found the willingness of others to accept shared illness.  

I didn’t try to change the world in one meeting. My goals were simple: to “come out” as an Aspie, and to offer information. Not only for my benefit, but for the other Aspie’s - “out” or not - who are, or will be, working in the department.

After letting her know about my diagnosis, I told her that my purpose for the meeting was simply to get her permission to send her information, and to answer any questions she may have. I asked her if she would mind my sending her a few links to information on dealing with Aspergers in the workplace. She agreed to that. Of course, like all good intentions, this turned out more difficult to achieve than I originally thought it would be. It’s surprising how hard it is to find neurodiversity-friendly, useful, non-overwhelming information that can cover the basics in three links or less. But, after three days of reading, I got it done.

So, in the interest of saving some of that hard work for the next person, I list them here:

Office of Disability Employment Policy

Working with people who have Aspergers

Asperger’s and IT: Dark secret or open secret?

Feel free to comment, but feel especially encouraged to point me to more and better resources.

It’s a hard decision to tell your company you’re autistic. It helps to have something to offer in exchange for their interest. It’s important to give them every tool as they, hopefully, step up to the challenge.

End result: Nothing.

Now I have my Pad. Large keyboard, large screen, and now I can peck away whenever I find a minute or two free throughout the day.

True, I have to replace a lot of applications that were fine on the iPhone and just look like crap on the large screen. So it costs more than I planned. And the shirt pocket isn’t going to do it as a carrying case anymore. But I can type almost as fast on the iPad as a regular keyboard. And I can actually see the letters on the screen.

So we’ll see. No more excuses. Time to get over my blogger’s block.

For many of us, the amount of eye contact we engage in has to do with sensory regulation. For instance, I often find myself being overwhelmed by the amount of information I receive after only a few seconds of eye contact.

I imagine you might get a sense of it if you were to confront a very angry, sad or miserable person and stare them in the eyes silently for 10 minutes from a foot away. Imagine the amount of information you might receive? Can you see how painful that might be? Many of us get more than we need in a moment of contact, and need to look away to avoid a discomforting flood of very intimate - and unnecessary - sensations.

My son was able to make much more progress in school when I explained to his teachers that he wasn’t ignoring them when he looked away - he was looking away so he could pay closer attention to what they were saying. Prolonged eye contact can often be so distracting that it makes it near impossible to actually listen to what is being said. Being flooded with intimate information can make the point of the discussion hard to isolate. Besides being very painful.

It can also feel like a very intense personal boundary violation. A very inappropriate intimacy - especially with strangers and those with power and authority.

When you see an autistic stare onto someone’s eyes, it usually means he’s trying to figure out what you really mean. Eye contact, in that case, often signifies confusion.

It can be counter-productive, and a bit cruel, to “train” a child to force eye contact.

Of course, your mileage may certainly vary, but people who stare at MY eyes tend to invoke an involuntary fear or loathing in me. And when they insist, the loathing sometimes stops being involuntary.

It’s amazing how perseveration works. It’s so easy for me to find myself totally absorbed by something I never even considered interesting before. And, of course, that means I’ve lost interest in something else I once felt totally dedicated to. Anyway, I’m back to my blog - again.

Don’t ask me why I’m writing this at 4:00am. Couldn’t possibly explain. But the early hour does give me an early advantage in wishing you all Happy Thanksgiving. Dinner tomorrow today will be happy, comforting and interesting. Almost everyone there will be autistic. Everyone will be family. And everyone will be loved. And full.

Have fun, People. Relax and cherish those who care about you.

This topic always seems to make people angry, or nervous. I’ve seen entire online communities become embroiled in fear after some punk simply has a good day on Google and calls them on the phone. Creepy as that might be, the problem is not that the guy found your real name and number, it’s that the guy is a creep and needs to learn what boundaries are. That’s why we have sysadmins, restraining orders, muscle-bound friends and police.

As I said, Folks, I’m not criticizing anyone’s attempt to stay anonymous. I’m simply trying to encourage people not to put all their hopes on a pony that may run off when they need it most. Whether or not you use a pseudonym, be just as careful about what you share as you would be using your real name. In my case, at some point, it just didn’t matter anymore; if I was being so careful to behave just as I would under my real identity, then why waste the effort to try to preserve my secret identity?

Besides, it is essential to me to be able to speak as Truthfully as possible every time I post. I need my Word to be trustworthy. And only a fool listens to a man in disguise. Whether or not you have a good reason for a disguise, it’s still a disguise and it’s impossible for you to give your Word when you aren’t yourself.

I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to make some marginal people angry in my day. I’ve had to choose whether to give up my freedom to speak as myself or to use the tools at my disposal to manage their expectations. I have 20 phone numbers in my null-ring Ignore list. I never even hear the phone ring. I have countless addresses set to drop straight into the spam file - and I’ve learned not to make someone else’s issues my problem. Most of all, my words have just as much weight online as they would if you were standing in front of me - since you so easily could be.

After saying all this, I have to give full disclosure: I do have one false identity online. I have a very pretty female avatar in Second Life who was created in a fit of experimentation during the beta phase. (Ironically, she has managed to get a fairly weighty quote in a serious book about Second Life.) But even she will tell you who she really is - if you ask.

So, again, I am not saying you shouldn’t use a pseudonym. And I am certainly not saying you should strew personal details carelessly about, or trust in the kindness of strangers. I’m simply suggesting that there is a lot to be said for the simplicity and truthfulness of non-anonymity. And, most important: it’s unwise to put all your trust in your safety net.

Give it up. It doesn’t take a forensics expert to track you down. All it takes is for you to start feeling safe. You’ll drop enough data as the time goes by to make you pretty easy to track. I found that out years ago, when someone announced their upcoming suicide in a usenet newsgroup. I managed to get the cops to their door within the hour. And they assumed they were anonymous, too. That’s when I gave up the illusion of privacy on the net.

Live publicly. I do. You may find out about my piercings, tattoos, that I hate fundamentalists of all types, or even the fact that I’m autistic, but what the hell. I’d never be happy working for someone who searched out and used such things against me.

If there is someone else you fear, or if you intend to say things that would embarrass you if they were overheard, you may want to take time offline to deal with those issues before saying them online.

Not being critical, just telling you what I’ve learned during 25 years online.

Well, the new kitten we got from the shelter has adapted to us better than expected. I have to say, I understand now how service dogs can help autistics so much. I was not prepared for the emotional reaction I felt the first time she scrambled up my front and snuggled purring into my throat. It was quite astounding to be so completely accepted and depended upon. I imagine she’ll eventually grow up to be aloof and cranky, like a normal cat, but it’s very satisfying right now to be so needed.

On the other hand, Chobi has more energy than most forces of nature. For instance, just trying to wrestle her away from my coffee cup is roughly as difficult as dealing with a gator and a dozen snakes - and maybe a dingo or two. She’s also managed to move everything smaller than a breadbox to the floor, where she collects them in strategic locations designed to waylay anyone headed to the bathroom in the dark.

In other news, I’ve been working on gathering material for my wife’s upcoming presentation to her class for her Maters Degree in Vocational Rehabilitation. The topic is The Personal Computer as Assistive Technology. it’s amazing to see how many ways the personal computer, or even the iPhone, can be used to help people communicate without having to spend huge amounts of money on special equipment.

While working with her on this, she mentioned that several guest speakers have visited her class from time to time to speak about their personal experiences with disabilities. I’ve begun to think about visiting them myself to talk about Autism/Aspergers and Neurodiversity. Or finding someone who could do it better ;-)

There are, by the way, many things to be done in Iowa to promote awareness about autism and neurodiversity. I’ve only scratched the surface, myself, following the legislature, writing politicians, talking to the papers, etc. There are talks to be done, even more letters to write, and even meetings to arrange. If anyone from Iowa visits here, I would really love to hear from you. What you might consider a small bit of involvement can make a large difference. Even sending us a short note of encouragement can help.

If there’s anything you need to help you in your own adventure, let me know. I may not know the answer myself, but I have met a few folks along the way who might have what you need.

At any rate, I’d love to hear from you.

Jeff Gitchel
jeff@perseveration.org
ASAN - Iowa

http://www.change.org/autisticadvocacy/actions/view/protect_floridas_students_against_abuse_through_aversives_restraint_and_seclusions

Hello,

For the past several years, we’ve advocated to end the consistent abuse and risk of violence that Autistic students as well as those with other disabilities face all too often in our nations schools. In recent months, our efforts as well as those of part of broader coalitions we are proud to be a part of, such as the Alliance for the Prevention of Restraints, Aversive Interventions and Seclusion (APRAIS) and the Justice for All Action Network (JFAAN), have yielded fruit with Congressional hearings and a recent direct meeting with top officials on the President’s Domestic Policy Council. We continue to advocate in Washington for a comprehensive national law to protect our people. Yet, at the same time, this fight is a national one and our friends in the parent community and local chapters continue to fight for these protections at the state level as well.

I’m writing to ask you to help us send 1000 e-mails to the Florida Department of Education insisting that they withdraw proposed regulations that would allow the use of physical force against students in a wide variety of ways and under conditions as vague as to maintain an “orderly classroom environment”. If this rule is allowed to pass, students with disabilities will be subject to continued restraint and seclusion resulting in frequent serious injury and even death.

I urge you to use our action alert to help us reach our goal of sending 1000 messages to the Florida Department of Education to tell them that the Proposed Rule on “Standards for the Use of Reasonable Force” is inappropriate and ineffective for safeguarding the rights of students with and without disabilities. You can find our action alert here at http://www.change.org/autisticadvocacy/actions/view/protect_floridas_students_against_abuse_through_aversives_restraint_and_seclusions If for whatever reason you have trouble using our action alert, you can also e-mail the Florida Department of Education directly at Lynn.Abbott@fldoe.org

Regards,
Ari Ne’eman
President
The Autistic Self Advocacy Network
http://www.autisticadvocacy.org
info@autisticadvocacy.org
732.763.5530

I apologize for this long dearth of activity here. I have had dry periods in the past, but nothing this long. Sometimes it happens, I guess.

Mostly, I’ve been going through a lot of changes. Some have been to make my life better, and a few have taken a lot of energy and time. I’ve certainly lived up to the title of this site. I’ve been shopping for new perseverations, and more than a few self-medications.

First, I have made a few changes to my chemistry. Some may know that I smoked 2.5 packs of cigarettes for about 18 years of my life. I quit about 20 years ago. Since then, I’ve gained a large amount of poundage, become diabetic, and generally unhealthy. My job requires me to sit at the phone all day, and I would usually have five or six snacks a day. I’d also eat very large portions whenever I could. Not good.

I don’t think I ever kicked the nicotine addiction - I’m not sure your brain ever really changes back. I suspect it just finds a way to make do with whatever else you can find to ingest. At any rate, I saw a sign for something called Snus. It’s tobacco that you don’t smoke, and isn’t “chew”, so you don’t spit. You just put this little packet behind your lip and let it set for a while. Then you throw it away. even though it’s made in Sweden, it’s cheaper than cigarettes, by far, and free of tobacco taxes as long as you don’t stock too much.

I’ve lost 25 pounds, gained a lot of energy, and noticed a lot less trouble with sensory-related overload. Since Swedish men use tons of the stuff, and apparently outlive everyone else on the planet, I’ll try this out for a while.

Ironically, given how much less I eat now (NO snacks and much smaller portions) I have taken up cooking. Pan seared rib-eye with blackberry sauce. Ribs with maple sauce and again with peach sauce. Curry last Saturday. New knives, pots, etc. So far, everything tastes spectacular, and my audience applauds with sincerity. Left-overs disappear - usually just before I try to eat them.

There’s less photography. Well, maybe not less, but less guilt when I fail to go out and shoot. We’ll have to see if I regain some motivation there when it isn’t so much pressure to perform.

Also, my youngest son is actually graduating from high school! Anyone who has raised a child with Aspergers knows that this is a major accomplishment for everyone involved. (I’d buy a house for his resource teacher if I could!) The last few months have been a major push, and I’m so proud of our family right now. Whew!

There are many other distractions and changes that have taken much time and energy. When I say I’ve been busy, it’s a bit of an understatement. I won’t give you the whole list because it would wear you out to hear it. Let me just say that it looks like things are loosening up a bit, and I expect to be here a little more frequently in the future.

Now I have to run!