There have been discussions between some of my fellow advocates, lately, about the wisdom of battling the most evil Trolls and Jerks, who will often attack, insult, frustrate, and even injure us.

I usually wait to participate in such long, emotional, unequivocally justified discussions until I see a need for my own contribution. (Oddly, that seldom happens.) With people as experienced and dedicated to the truth as the members of the Neurodiversity movement, it’s not likely they need me to find resolution for them.

However, I have been dealing with Trolls, Jerks, Griefers and others of ill temper for many years. I think my first such experience was on a BBS in Chicago in 1983. And for many years, my occupation was focused on rude people in chatrooms, newsgroups, forums, virtual worlds and email. It became a marketable specialty. I’ve been either irritated - or irritating - online for almost 25 years. So, I thought I’d toss my opinion into the pile, too. And instead of jumping in late to the discussion, and possibly causing even more upset feelings, I figure I’ll share it with my Kind Readership :-)

A major lesson I’ve learned is this: Trolls and Jerks are selfish people. They have nothing on their mind but themselves. They may profess to be experts on something, or dedicated to the Forces of Good, or just plain smarter than everyone else, but it all comes back to their perception that there is a war to be fought. The war could be between them and liberals, or conservatives, or minorities, or a gang, or the government, or heathens, or whatever, but the fantasy always stars them as Champion.

There are many theories on why they do this, but my experience has convinced me that it’s simply a way for them to accomplish three things:

First, they need to garner attention. The world is a lonely place if you’re a right bastard. Lonely enough that you really don’t care whether the attention you get is negative or positive. Just so there’s noise and drama.

Second, the world is easier to sort out when everyone is either a staunch ally or a sworn enemy. And a simple world is less frightening. Trolls and Jerks are very frightened people, normally. Blustering and shouting and sticking out their chests helps them feel bigger. It also helps if they dismiss and attack anything that might threaten to let even more scary stuff leak into their brain - like fresh ideas and new cultures and perspectives.

Finally, Trolls and Jerks tend to have rather shabby lives - and practically no future to speak of. It makes a certain kind of poetic sense, in my opinion. Pitiful, mean behavior reaps a pitiful, mean existence. But the Trolls don’t get this - remember, they don’t enjoy scary things like enlightenment. So, they have a different approach to the problem: they spiff their shabby lives up with battle and strife. A Spartan without his weapon is just a poor, grumpy, homeless guy. When he picks up his sword, he becomes a legend.

Things get a bit twisted in some folks’ heads.

So, with all of this clamor and compensation, it shouldn’t be a big surprise that it’s usually a complete waste of time to do battle with a Troll. You’re not going to convince him that one idea is superior to another; he doesn’t care about such things. He only spouts ideology because it’s how he gets you to pay attention. It’s how he gets you turn around and face off with him.

You may have noticed that Trolls are always ready with a rebuttal, but that they never do any thinking of their own. They always have a quote from someone else, and provide no reasoning or research of their own. This should be a sign that the subject matter is NOT the point. The only point is the drama. To these people, the only valid topic is themselves.

So, it really is a complete waste of time to battle a Troll or a Jerk. It pleases them and frustrates you. It’s like trying to turn a sword into a plowshare by repeatedly beating it against an enemy’s shield. It makes you tired, and it makes him look like warrior.

Well, there is one positive aspect to this glum frustration. I call it the Fool’s License: when someone has clearly decided that you are worthless and contemptible, and that you have nothing of value to offer, it can be liberating. Once it is clear you have no way to reach him, and that this is his own intent, you are absolved from any responsibility to help, save or educate.

At this point, things get easy. You have a choice. Do you persist is throwing yourself under the same train, over and over, with the vain hope of slowing it down? Or do you head out for another battle, where you might educate and illuminate? Seems simple, eh? Well, maybe not. But, simple or not, That’s the choice.

There is one exception to my personal rule against forming relationships with Jerks and Trolls. There’s one time when it may be worthwhile to go a few rounds with a Fool. That one time is when someone else is watching.

If you feel it’s worth the effort to battle the bully so that bystanders can hear what you’ve got to say - or so they can hear what a jerk he is - then go for it. But remember to do so only insofar as it benefits your own agenda. And only do so for the small amount of time necessary for your audience to comprehend that he is tediously nasty, and you are bright, tolerant and generous. Then, get out. Don’t wait for your opponent to realize it too.  He won’t. Turn your back on the entire soap opera and find something more productive to do.

So, short version: Don’t try to educate the willfully ignorant. And only interact with them when there is a distinct and specific benefit to be had.

Never talk to a bully in private. Move into the light, or to a forum where people’s minds have not been completely made up. Don’t argue on his turf. Don’t talk to him in email, IMs or on the phone. If he keeps writing you, save his letters and talk to the police.

Remember, you are not required to fix everyone and everything. You are only asked to do your best for those who need and want your help. Don’t waste it on people who simply want to make you hurt.

Sorry to natter. I’ve been on-call this last week, and my sleeping habits were never spectacular to start with. I think I got 6 hours of sleep last week. Kinda burnt out right now. Still, I wanted to share a lesson I learned in so many hard ways:

When the monkey throws poo at you, do not stoop to pick it up and throw it back. He wasn’t trying to get poo on you - he trying to get you to put your own hands in it.

Just walk on and leave him to sit alone in his poo. And laugh a bit that he’ll never realize he put his hands in it first .

Tags: Advocacy, battle, poo, responsibility, trolls